am i a lesbian? OR how i got dildoed by a girl

for most of you this will be TMI, but if you are my friend then you are used to it. you have been warned.

i have been in pain for the last 6-8 months. a couple of months ago, i decided to stop ignoring it and talk to my doctor about it. she poked and proded then recommended a pelvic ultrasound. which brings us up to yesterday...

i was told to arrive for the ultrasound an hour early so that i could drink 1/2 my daily water intake in about 30 minutes time. apparently, if you aren't knocked up, you have to drink a lot of water so the sound waves will travel better or some junk. so anyhoo. 40 oz of water later, i go in to the exam room.

i lay on the table and lift my dress as instructed by the tech (radiologist or whatever she is officially called). she lubes up the wand and rubs it over my belly like you see on tv and takes the pictures. next she wipes me off and says "okay go empty your bladder so we can do the vaginal ultrasound." i gulp and thank god she just asked me to pee, because i prolly would have wet myself out of shock.

i come back into the room. she leaves so i can remove my panties. (oh the irony.) i get back up on the table and she comes back in. feet in the stirrups, dress back up she takes out "the wand" and rolls a condom down on the thing. the wand isn't friendly looking. they should really take a cue from the sex toy industry and put a smiley face or cute little bunny ears on the sucker. and it may lack girth but the thing is as long as my forearm and i was very afraid i would be hearing the words "take it all in" soon.

instead she says, "you're going to feel some pressure" as she shoves the thing up my fagina and starts taking pictures again. it felt very gay--even if she was 100% professional and kept her eyes off the prize, the fact is, call it what you want but the woman was dildoing me. all i kept thinking about was how doctors used to use vibrators to treat women with melancholy. future people are going to look back at us and laugh, "oh my god they were totally dildoing women to look at their ovaries!"

and just like a real date, they won't be calling me until next week.