my very own new year's rockin eve eve

for new year's eve eve we went to TTs to see 2 of my favorite bands in the world: the charms and muck and the mires. the show was poptacular! i was also excited because a week ago i got a regular old consumer digital camera for those times when i'm going to a pub or some junk and don't want to lug my d200. i love the camera and want to marry it as soon as gay marriage leads to us being allowed to marry whatever the fuck we want--like turtles, cameras and catchy pop-rock bands.

cookie parties

i went to a cookie party last weekend. what is a cookie party? a cookie party is where a group of chicks get together at one of said chick's apts, armed with their fav cookie recipe and bakes.
there were like 10 of us. i ate at least 20 cookies. prolly more. i was completely stuffed by the end of the night with cookie goodness and couldn't eat dinner. which was probably a good thing, since i'm sure i consumed enough calories in 3 hours to last 3 days.
the point of this blog is this: cookie parties are awesome you should totally have one. best...parties...ever.

Christmas Goat?

oh christmas goat, oh christmas goat
what does the baby jesus do while he waits to make his appearance in the manger, maybe he hangs out with the christmas goat?

The biggest Christmas Goat in the World

The strange history of the Gävle Goat began in 1966. A man named Stig Gavlén came up with the idea of making a giant version of the traditional Swedish Yule goat of straw and placing it on (Slottstorget) Castle Square in central Gävle. On 1 December the 13-metre tall, 7-metre long, 3 tonne goat stood on the square. At the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, the goat went up in smoke. The perpetrator was found and charged with vandalism.
In 1967 the goat was left unmolested.In 1968 the goat was again left unmolested.
In 1969 the goat was burned on New Year's Eve.In 1970 the first goat burned six hours after it was erected. Two heavily intoxicated youths were tied to the crime. With contributions from several donors, the goat was rebuilt, this time of reeds.
In 1971 the local merchants who had previously built the goat abandoned the project, tired of seeing it burn each year. The science association at the Vasaskolan upper secondary school took over. Their little goat was broken to pieces.
In 1972 the goat collapsed due to sabotage.In 1973 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1974 the goat burned down.
In 1975 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1976 a car crashed into the goat.In 1977 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1978 the goat was broken to pieces again.
In 1979 the goat was burned before it was even put together. A new one was built and treated with fire-proofing, but was later sabotaged and broken to pieces.
In 1980 the goat burned down on Christmas Eve.
In 1981 the goat was spared.
In 1982 the goat burned down on St. Lucia Day, 13 December.
In 1983 the goat's legs were broken off.
In 1984 the goat burned down on St. Lucia Eve.
In 1985 the 12.5-metre high goat first made the Guinness Book of World Records. Burned down in January.
In 1986 the local merchants took over building the goat again. From this date on, two goats are built each year, one by the merchants and one by Vasaskolan. The big goat was burned down the night before Christmas Eve.
In 1987 the goat was carefully treated with fire-proofing. It still burned down the week before Christmas.
In 1988 the goat was spared. Its survival was now included on British betting lists.
In 1989 the goat burned down before it was even built. A public collection was taken up and a new goat was built, which burned down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built for the premiere of the film "Black Jack".
In 1990 the goat was spared. Many volunteers guarded it.
In 1991 the goat was accompanied by an advertising sleigh - which turned out to be an unauthorised construction. It burned on Christmas Eve morning. It was rebuilt to be sent to Stockholm in a campaign to stop the closing of the I 14 regiment.
In 1992 the goat burned after eight days. The Vasaskolan goat burned the same night. It was built again, but burned again on 20 December. The starter of all three fires was arrested.
In 1993 the Vasaskolan goat made the Guinness Book of World Records, measuring 16 metres high. It was spared this year.
In 1994 the goat was spared.
In 1995 the goat burned down on Christmas Day morning. It was rebuilt for the town's 550th anniversary.
In 1996 the goat survived. For the first time it was monitored by a web camera.
In 1997 the goat survived with minimal damage by fireworks.
In 1998 the goat burned on 11 December, despite a snowstorm. It was built again.
In 1999 the goat burned a few hours after being built. A new one was in place for St. Lucia Day.
In 2000 the goat burned a few days before New Year's. In 2001 the goat burned on 23 December. The starter of the fire, a 51-year-old man from USA, was arrested.
In 2002 the goat survived.
In 2003 the goat burned down two nights before St. Lucia Eve. A new goat was in place about a week later and it survived in one piece.
In 2004 the goat burned down on 21 December, three days before Christmas. The goat was not rebuilt.
In 2005 the goat burned down on 3 December. A new goat was in place on 8 december and managed to survived.

DECEMBER 22: Mark your calendars

everyone, listen. are you listening? it's time we put our political views aside and take a couple of steps toward the center and participate. it could really change the world.

http://www.globalorgasm.org/

The Event
WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction. (yay that means US!)

WHEN? Winter Solstice Day - Friday, December 22nd, at the time of your choosing, in the place of your choosing and with as much privacy as you choose.

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy a Synchronized Global Orgasm. There are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti-submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, so the time to change Earth's energy is NOW!

the D

last night i went to see the tenacious d movie. it does not get the monster seal of approval. some parts were very very funny. but there just wasnt nearly enough of those moments. not even cock pushups could save this movie. perhaps if you were really baked or fried you would enjoy it, but i cant even guarantee that.

turn on the magic of shining lights!

here i am as a lite brite. who doesn't love a lite brite. you can't see it but i also had a lite-brite logo on the back of my costume. it was my most fav. costume so far. i liked it even more than being the holy family. will i go to hell for saying that?

i decided to go with a tropical fish design. IT REALLY LIGHTS UP! i had to do it by memory because i couldnt find the tropical fish online. only the clown and a turkey. and everyone knows clowns are scary.

oh and this is what a real lite brite looks like in case you forgot.

shake it dont break it took y'r mama 9 months to make it

so friday was little kelly's bday celebration. to honor the occasion we headed over to the roxy to get some balls in our face.

i was totally flashing back to the 80s. first, with my little outfit with a jeans skirt and bangles exactly like the ones i used to have back in the day (was it a wednesday?). i know you know because you know you had one too--unless you weren't born yet. or 5. but anyway, so the show starts up and with all the choreographed dance moves, lip syncing and pelvic thrusting it took me a minute to realize it really wasnt 1989 and i wasn't at a new kids concert. though equally as cheesy and with about the same portion of young gay men (see for yourself here, maybe not at work.) but after 4 or 5 drinks the show seemed like, totally radical.

after the chippendales did their business and we all smelled of baby oil, the club converted back to a regular old nightclub and we no longer had to give the strippers dollars when they danced with us. but we also had to dance with other boys, who really should have been giving us dollars (or at least buying us drinks) but werent. i ended up going home early (around midnight) when on my final piddle break i noticed that the bathroom was moving on its own. the rest of the night i spent getting intimate with the porcelain prince, but it was worth it.

the boogie man is after me!

last night i had all kinds of bad dreams. first, was one where long worms kept crawling into my skin and my husband wouldn't take me to the hospital. i was v. worried that one of the worms was going to dig holes in my heart and kill me. i could feel the worms wriggling inside my body and it was v. painful and disturbing. (btw-the cardiologist called to remind me of an appt on monday that i had forgot about! scary!)

the next dream was just weird and i was at some gothy chick's house back in the olden, olden days, when people actually had candelabrums (sp?) and shit. the house just gave me the creeps. and i was afraid to walk around inside because i was sure there were ghosts.
and another dream i had was about being held hostage and shot at. i dont have those much anymore, but i guess it's not surprising.

so basically i kept waking up during the night drenched in sweat. i also woke up yesterday covered in sweat, but i didn't remember having bad dreams so i dunno what was going on.
if anyone wants to analyse my dreams for me, go for it.

attention rakes and hoes

i was home sick the other day watching vh1. (i know what y're thinking but, i slept through PIR. yeah, i know, PIR and sick days are like *this*.) anyhoo, back to the story, so i was watching best week ever and they bleeped the word "hoe". how are you gonna bleep hoe? i was totally shocked! especially because in the next sentence the guy said whore and that wasn't bleeped. how did hoe get to be worse than whore? and even bitch, because they don't even bleep bitch anymore. hoe? seriously. hoe?

jagshemash!

i went to see the borat movie last night! it was well worth the 2 1/2 hours i waited at the movie theatre to be one of the lucky 145 to get in. my sides ached, my tear ducts ran dry, and i may have peed a little in my favorite panties. it was the best comedy i have seen in a long ass time. is so nice!

boy, i'll tell you what!

i'm back from arkansas. we did some rodeo and some cave peeping. i call it cave peeping because it didn't envolve any fancy repelling or anything--we are talking handicapped accessible cavern--we just walked around inside looking at all the purdy colored formations, like these in the soda straw room.

the rodeo was fun to watch. my little cousin (he is my cousin's son, whatever that makes him to me. i've been told second cousin by some and first cousin once removed by others.) like i was saying, my little cousin did some calf riding and some goat tying. i hoped they would get to bring the goat home and eat it, but apparently not. oh well.

we shoved our faces with tasty southern food and my favorite chocolate cookies. and that about sums it all up. it's arkansas for pete's sake. you can't ask for much.
now i have to get caught up on all the work i missed, but i'll try to myspace tonight if i don't fall asleep in my dinner plate.

purity quiz

i took a purity quiz that told me i was a bad girl so i went to ask the godbot what s/he thought about the situation. here is the low-down:

Me: hello, God!
God:Hello child.
God:What's your favorite movie?
Me: right now, mother fucking snakes on a mother fucking plane is my favorite movie
God:I haven't seen it. What did you like about it?
Me: the audience...but i am here for something else
God:I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator. How did you get there?
Me: um... dont remember how i got there. it was subway or bus.
God:I hear you. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. remember how you got there was subway or bus? Very interesting.
Me: shut up and listen
God:OK I'll stop talking now.
Me: i took this quiz online. the quiz told me i was evil.
God:What happened? Who told you that?
Me: the quiz did.
God:Since when.
Me: exactly! i am not evil!
God:You and I are on the same wavelength, . I am sorry to hear that you are not evil. Me: what?!
God:Are you confused?
Me: do you want me to be evil?
God:No , maybe later.
Me: ok
God:Groovy.

why are rich people crazy?

i was reading this article from forbes about camps for grown-ups being the new "it" thing. they get to go play baseball and astronaut or whatever. okay, yeah. maybe i can get that as someone that's been playing papier mache, nintendo and shrinky dinks in my free time lately. but then, the article went on to talk about CRATE wilderness trips.

here's what it said,
"It's an opportunity to challenge yourself," says Taylor Nations, who has participated in three CRATE wilderness trips along with her husband, Scott, a trader at the Chicago Board of Trade. "Can I sleep on the ground for eight days in a row? Can I bathe in a river for nine days? It's an opportunity to see what you're made of."

sleep on the ground for 8 days?! bathe in a river for 9?! what what what!?! i know some people who do that. they live under the bridge and come out to ask for spare change. but at least they are getting paid. taylor and scott nations from chicago, it's time for you to get off the crack rock!

i found god!

s/he is hiding on the interweb. igod is funny. go talk to god yourself.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

and remember god is in everything, even in chatbots pretending to be god!

here is a snipit of my conversation with god:

Me: god, do you like me
God:Sure, monster I like you very much.
Me: i dont remember telling you my name god?
God:I know what you mean. I forget a lot too.
Me: you know me so well
God:I know you, but not too well.
Me: it's because i'm crazy, isn't it?
God:Interesting explanation. Seek counseling. I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: lol. god, you are funny!
God:I'm glad you find this amusing. Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me: where do you live?
God:I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me: i'm living in boston.
God:I would like to live in boston sometime.
Me: wait until they have finished the big dig.
God:I'm waiting. That may take a while.

growing down

this weekend i continued on my quest to grow down and i purchased a nintendo ds. i think it started with that viral video of the kid getting the nintendo for xmas and flipping. since then i have been all nostalgic and longing for my mario. then johnny had to go and tell me about the new mario game where i can eat a mushroom and become ginormous and destroy worlds. and really after that i had to have it. had to! i mean, i am american!

so i got the nintendo plus the mario game and the dog game and a game that is supposed to make my brain younger, but really i got it for the sudoku. sweet, sweet sudoku.
i think this makes me about 14, although according to my game, my brain age is 60. have to fix that.

it's not fun to be a robot

i haven't been feeling well. mostly i've just been tired and my heart was misbehaving. finally, i ended up going into some kinda fibrillation (sp?) and decided it was time to stop ignoring it and go to the doctor. for all of you healthy-hearted people, that have no idea what i'm talking about. imagine if someone replaced your heart with a hello kitty "massager" and you get the idea.



so anyway the result of this visit was a referal to the cardiologist and a nifty little ipod-sized box with white and black wires that i attach to my chest. i am supposed to go around for a month like this. you wouldn't think it would matter so much, but it does to me. i get up. i shower. i snap wires to my chest. i walk out into the world just waiting for some uptight tourist on the subway to see wires dangling out of my shirt and try out all those secret ninja moves he's been practicing to use on the terrorist since september 11th. then i will zap him with my laser eyes!

i'm not growing up, i'm growing down

i have decided that i do not like doing anything grown up, so it's really too bad i have to. lately i have been doing a lot of not acting my age and i think i like it. for instance, the goo, i mean, how many 30 year olds play with goo? and not just play with it, actually make it themselves for the sole purpose of playing with it. that takes planning and shopping and following directions, a lot of work for an ADDer.

my latest not-my-age project is papier mache. i learned how to papier mache in fourth grade. i think, if i remember correctly, we had to make papier mache versions of ourselves. i left mine outside to dry and my dog ate it. i had to go to school and tell my teacher my dog ate my homework. luckily i was queen of the nerds and my teacher believed me so i was allowed to make another one. i'm really liking this papier mache-ing. and as it turns out other grown ups like it too. here is a cool website i found on all things papier mache.

ooey gooey goodness

i had tried to make flubber before and it ended up looking like pink brains. pink because i had added food coloring. brains, because that's just how it looked wormy and spongy and not flubbery. anyhoo, so i found a new recipe. i didn't want to get too excited about it incase i ended up with brains again, but i'll admit it, i was kinda excited. i've never really grown up, even though my husband likes to remind me how old i am. anyhoo. so i made some flubber. it came out fantastic. it is so fun and squishy! it reminds me of making claydough in elementary school. oh the joys of squishing and stretching and squishing some more. i guess i might have too much time on my hands, but if you want to make some ooey gooey flubber. here's the recipe from the oregon museum of science.

http://www.omsi.edu/visit/chemistry/flubber.cfm

bah ram ewe

when i was a little girl we had livestock. no, we didn't live on a farm, we just had farm animals--mostly goats, all pygmies except for "nanny goat". we also had a sheep (as well as other animals over the years, but they don't matter for this story). the sheep's name was "fat albert". we decided to make fat albert president of the goats, because he was big and wooley and that somehow made him better than the boring old goats. plus, goats were hard to ride on accounta they were small and would rather be standing on top of a dog house than in the back field where i could reach them. anyhoo, the point of me telling you this is because at the age of 3 or 4, i could spot the obvious differences between a goat and a sheep, and knew the names for every farm animal...and i'm no genius.

last weekend i went to the zoo. of course i had to stop off at the petting zoo section, because living in the city i get nostalgic and miss my little, furry, childhood pets. so there i am, clutching a handfull of dry alfalfa and trying to coax one of those white, wooley mammals over so i can pet it, when i hear a little boy ask his dad what *that* was. dad replies, "i'm not sure what kind of animal that is." all i can think is, dad are you a frikken eejit? so i answer for him, "this is a sheep." because heaven forbid this 7 year old grows up to be just like daddy, a 40 year old that doesn't know a sheep when he sees one! parents please go home tonight and teach your children what a sheep is. and if you are over 12 and don't know what a sheep looks like, you know how to use google. i suggest you do a little search before your friends find out you are stupid.

sit on your hands!

i've had quite a few blogs. i always end up erasing them because i get bored with the topic after a couple of weeks, or minutes. (ah the magical powers of adhd.) i decided i would try again, but this time i would be true to myself and let my blog be random like me. so there you have it, my new blog of unrelated goodness, called "wiggle worm" or what our teachers used to call me before i learned the wonders of ritalin.